Heartbroken Smile

Yesterday I went back to my classroom for the first time in almost three weeks.

I had some things I needed to get to make teaching from home a bit easier,

and I had some things I needed to grab so that I can send them/deliver them to my students.

I hadn't really thought much about it.

Just another Sunday afternoon trip to my classroom.

When I walked in our hallway, I felt it.

Then, I saw my bright yellow...brand new umbrella

that I had purchased after an unfortunate afternoon at cross-walk duty...

in the "rain."

I put it in quotes because it was much more than rain. ;)

Here's proof.

The irony is that it was raining yesterday, too.

Funny thing is...I saw that umbrella and instantly wished

that I could be back in the middle of that crosswalk,

wind blowing me over, umbrella inside out, soaking wet,

rude drivers, crossing kiddos and telling them to be safe.

Why?

Because as miserable as that bit was...it was

back when things were "normal."

I stepped into my classroom,

turned on the lights,

and cried.

Yup...I ugly cried for a good 20 minutes in the middle of my classroom.

Why?

Because at that moment all of this became so real.

My classroom has never felt so lonely.

It felt cold.

It felt quiet.

It felt abandoned.

It was almost like I was a stranger in someone else's classroom.

But then it didn't.

Because as I walked around, gathering the things I needed,

I couldn't help but smile.

Smile about all of the LOVE that has been in that classroom.

Smile about all of the moments that teachers live for.

Those moments when you can see that a child "gets it."

I smiled thinking about all of the FUN that has been had in that room.

The giggles when I use a silly voice,

do a goofy dance, or nearly trip and fall on my face.

Oh yes, that has happened.

I smiled thinking about THEIR smiles

when we mix things up and we have a room transformation.

THEIR smiles when we have a guest reader in class.

THEIR smiles when we cheer each other on as names 

are added to our Bravo Board

for reaching goals and mastering concepts.

(This picture is from before the school year started. Our board is FILLED with names, now. ;) )

As I looked around the room,

at the walls that were still covered in all of their 

Academic Showcase work...

almost like a museum...

I was so very thankful.

I was thankful that even though we aren't together right now,

we had a chance to celebrate their work this year!

Thankful for the fact that before all of this craziness

really took off, we had a night where they could

show off all of THEIR hard work.

It is so funny, because I can vividly remember standing in the back of my room

that night, and my heart was just so happy as I watched my "kids"

show their parents all that they had worked on.

I remember the amazement on parents' faces as their children

showed them the Google Slides presentation they had created

on dinosaurs, the look of pride on my students' faces as they

explained to their parents what life is like in Room 202.

Little did I know that three days later,

we would be saying an unexpected good-bye.

Right before I started writing this post,

I came across this.

A friend of mine shared it on Instagram,

and I thought...

what a perfect synopsis for how so 

 many of us feel right now.

Yes, today is technically the first day of our Spring Break.

And yes, normally I would be doing some sort

of happy dance that goes like this...

But for now...I am going to save that dance

for when I get to see my "kids" again.